Exposed

Inspired by "Skin" by Rihanna

I sat in a chair like this, with my arms in my lap, and my head hanging low, I refuse to look up.

He kneels before me resting his elbows on my knees, then the fingertips of his hand move towards my clothes

Blank stares exchanged in disbelief; our eyes are glazed, time stopped in full intensity and now the pain.

It’s hard to believe that, in denial I will be, powered by the abundance of shame.

I got up from the chair, I gotta go, I need air, I need to escape from here, anywhere, but here

Damn!

I moved to fast, I’m light-headed I regret it now I’m descending and overwhelmed by emotions, tears, and my fears.

Caught, in an instant I thought, I’d hit the ground, my body laying prostrate I envisioned,

DAMN!

With tear filled eyes through a whisper I cried “I can’t believe this is happening to me!”

Water falling from the pockets, darken my eyes like closets, there is nothing you can do, so please don’t try to stop it.

I’m forever vulnerable, unable to be secured, when time starts up again, the dying will then begin.

“Its gonna be okay, baby. We’re gonna get through this, Don’t worry I’m in your corner, you gotta fight it, baby.”

I didn’t wanna hear that shit, or anything close to it, damn; I even turned away his kiss.

One night while I’m lying in the bed, pressure rushes to my neck, fire runs down my back, I open my eyes and scream through my mouth but nothing is seen and nothing came out.

I don’t know what is happening to me, I took the damn medicine, I just wanna sleep.

My body is soaked from all of the sweat, and the worst thing about it, it wasn’t through yet.

I lay on my side for a while, tryna past time; letting the side effects die down,

I’m praying that someone would come and save me from this pain; I forgot I’m the only one that I can really blame.

All those nights, unprotected, pressed my luck, I’m infected, wish I had the chance to start over again, change the situations that I had been in.

I have to be honest there is no escape, and knowing it…my heart aches.

I’m left with my consciousness forever; its one, three, five years all together.

I have to decide should I live do I die, does it lie in the hands of the most high.

Contemplating my mind overwhelmed- these questions…Here. It. Comes. Again. Inflictions.

Pain. Rise. I dive head first into the pillow. My knees curl up I’m in fetal.

Lethal inside if you look in my eyes; these tears that I cry won’t ever subside.

Alive. Breathing. Descending off the side effects sends my mind to ease and rest.

I’m spinning…

Okay…

“Aye baby? You’re alright? Do you need a glass of water, a towel, some cover?” “Man, you’re sweating all over.” 
All these questions he kept askin, and no answers I can give him,
made him wonder if I’m breathing, “nod your head if you can hear me”.

As the tears filled his eyes, I finally cracked a smile,
“I..I heard you loud and clear, so don’t worry I’m still here.” 
“I…I thought that you…” “baby your tears are falling…” 
“it don’t matter anyway, so you just keep on talking.”

“I don’t know if I can do this, the pain, the shame and doubt, scaring inside and out, all the signs to just tap out. 
I mean...how do I begin to figure out… my life.. and time cannot go back….and now I’m holding on….my meds….I think I miss….one sec.”

“I think I miss the chance to…” “baby slow down you are talking fast, I’m tryna make some sense….” “what I am saying is…” “you’re talking fast.” “I don’t know if I can do this, Why I gotta go through all this, I just want it over with; I can’t keep going on like this.”

The pain in my eyes, from all the years of the lies
no regrets of me choosing to play, and not stay in the house one day. 
Consequences are many, and the one time was plenty,
now I’m living with regret and a lifetime of knowing it.

Inside of this mold, society’s growin old,
I have the choice of being happy, cause in the end it’ll only be me.

Inside of this mold, society’s growin old, 
I have the choice of being happy, cause in the end it’ll only be me.