My First Love

The impulses race through my body like a high of a heroin addict.

It shoots off to heights that makes me a semi-automatic.

My eyes are the only light that shines deep into my soul.

I’m falling, falling, faster than Niagara Falls in the cold.

Left as a captive to my movement, I’m spun like yarn.

The bass rattles my chest and lures me just like a chess pawn

Percussion grabs me by the back; Strings pull me by the ears,

Into a trance my feet do this dance; the product of a puppeteer.

Convulsions erupt throughout my body as I suspend.

My back begins to bend as I descend to no end.

My hips contracts and release as I ascend

And my heart rate elevates with each scratch of the record spin

Pushed into full throttle, my body has become the arson

It burst my pours open with streams of water free fallin

Packed tight my body press against two to three others,

A time bomb tickin close to blastin muthafuckas

Whatever is known don’t have to be said, but instead

The code red is universally said,

All eyes are on me because I changed up the beat,

We went front two steppin to ticking, now I’m role playing

I gotta use a decoy and make sure the timing is right

If I do this tonight I gotta do this thing right,

I scout the crowd everyone is fair play.

Whether they know it or not, everyone is on display.

In the center like a showcase I’m the prime delicacy.

Everyone circles around the DJ versus me

Clothes are a distraction, entrapment, and deception,

I’m gonna take them off, how is the question.

I gotta unveil it, un-wrapping it first from its bow,

Then releasing it from the gift wrap, my legs begin the show.

Once the top comes off, I won’t be able to keep it in the box

I will give a one of a kind performance, once the beat drops.

Signature is the key it’s authentically you,

You gotta have originality that makes you you

Is it special? Is it unique? Is it somewhat sublime?

Mine you can’t see it, instead I’ll lead you like the blind

When I hit you with it though, you’re gonna be knocked out cold

It'll be a 1, 2, 3 TKO

My conscious sets in and then the delayed reaction,

Before I reach for my clothes I become timid, shy- that nervous reaction

It’s funny how it likes to sneak up on me.

My first love has always been the dancer in me.

Exposed

Inspired by "Skin" by Rihanna

I sat in a chair like this, with my arms in my lap, and my head hanging low, I refuse to look up.

He kneels before me resting his elbows on my knees, then the fingertips of his hand move towards my clothes

Blank stares exchanged in disbelief; our eyes are glazed, time stopped in full intensity and now the pain.

It’s hard to believe that, in denial I will be, powered by the abundance of shame.

I got up from the chair, I gotta go, I need air, I need to escape from here, anywhere, but here

Damn!

I moved to fast, I’m light-headed I regret it now I’m descending and overwhelmed by emotions, tears, and my fears.

Caught, in an instant I thought, I’d hit the ground, my body laying prostrate I envisioned,

DAMN!

With tear filled eyes through a whisper I cried “I can’t believe this is happening to me!”

Water falling from the pockets, darken my eyes like closets, there is nothing you can do, so please don’t try to stop it.

I’m forever vulnerable, unable to be secured, when time starts up again, the dying will then begin.

“Its gonna be okay, baby. We’re gonna get through this, Don’t worry I’m in your corner, you gotta fight it, baby.”

I didn’t wanna hear that shit, or anything close to it, damn; I even turned away his kiss.

One night while I’m lying in the bed, pressure rushes to my neck, fire runs down my back, I open my eyes and scream through my mouth but nothing is seen and nothing came out.

I don’t know what is happening to me, I took the damn medicine, I just wanna sleep.

My body is soaked from all of the sweat, and the worst thing about it, it wasn’t through yet.

I lay on my side for a while, tryna past time; letting the side effects die down,

I’m praying that someone would come and save me from this pain; I forgot I’m the only one that I can really blame.

All those nights, unprotected, pressed my luck, I’m infected, wish I had the chance to start over again, change the situations that I had been in.

I have to be honest there is no escape, and knowing it…my heart aches.

I’m left with my consciousness forever; its one, three, five years all together.

I have to decide should I live do I die, does it lie in the hands of the most high.

Contemplating my mind overwhelmed- these questions…Here. It. Comes. Again. Inflictions.

Pain. Rise. I dive head first into the pillow. My knees curl up I’m in fetal.

Lethal inside if you look in my eyes; these tears that I cry won’t ever subside.

Alive. Breathing. Descending off the side effects sends my mind to ease and rest.

I’m spinning…

Okay…

“Aye baby? You’re alright? Do you need a glass of water, a towel, some cover?” “Man, you’re sweating all over.” 
All these questions he kept askin, and no answers I can give him,
made him wonder if I’m breathing, “nod your head if you can hear me”.

As the tears filled his eyes, I finally cracked a smile,
“I..I heard you loud and clear, so don’t worry I’m still here.” 
“I…I thought that you…” “baby your tears are falling…” 
“it don’t matter anyway, so you just keep on talking.”

“I don’t know if I can do this, the pain, the shame and doubt, scaring inside and out, all the signs to just tap out. 
I mean...how do I begin to figure out… my life.. and time cannot go back….and now I’m holding on….my meds….I think I miss….one sec.”

“I think I miss the chance to…” “baby slow down you are talking fast, I’m tryna make some sense….” “what I am saying is…” “you’re talking fast.” “I don’t know if I can do this, Why I gotta go through all this, I just want it over with; I can’t keep going on like this.”

The pain in my eyes, from all the years of the lies
no regrets of me choosing to play, and not stay in the house one day. 
Consequences are many, and the one time was plenty,
now I’m living with regret and a lifetime of knowing it.

Inside of this mold, society’s growin old,
I have the choice of being happy, cause in the end it’ll only be me.

Inside of this mold, society’s growin old, 
I have the choice of being happy, cause in the end it’ll only be me.